Crumbling

My life is falling apart right in front my eyes. Something that has been pestering me inside has affected my physically, mentally, and emotionally state. It has caused me to lose my job, my friends, and my life in general. It is evident to my friends and to coworkers. I don't know who to tell the truth to. I am feeling like i've been drifting so far away from myself. Nobody bothers to care or has given up on me already. I'm sorry, I can't be normal. Do I still love her? Why? Why do I feel like this? I don't want to have these feelings. I want her to be happy, but what is going on. I don't understand. This is ruining my life and I have no control over it.

Open your eyes

Walking through the city today, I found myself admiring its beauty and inspiration. Despite the harshness of the reality of the insecurities of barbed wired fences and the homeless man that only had only a book bag and appreciated the powerful escape of a book while he lay on the stood above a cardboard box that was his bed. I came to appreciate the lessons that stood around me. While I ponder my own indecisiveness for my path, I found reassurance and contentment in just being here. I want to just be a free spirit-- as quirky as that may sound. Maybe the city is where I belong. I am so sick of these rules and order. I just want to live with no regard to consequences. I want to be me. I want the little things with a dab of creativity and the world's knowledge at my grasp. I want life to just be....