One wish

Ba noi,

There are days when I wish I could just talk to you one more time and see you and tell you everything. I miss you so much. You were always there for me and took care of me and when I got older I was too busy to visit you. I'm so sorry. If I could change how things went, I would trade your life for mine. You were the glue that kept our family together. You were kind-hearted and loving. You made life seem so simple and safe. Because of you, I am a better person. I'm so sorry that I let you down. I screwed up my life and my future. I'm trying to better myself for you. I know it was your last wish. I know you were all about the family and about our success. I just don't think I'm as strong as you. Please help me through school and help me be a better man. You taught me to be better, but I'm weak, Ba Noi. I feel so lose. Your few words of encouragement were enough for me to get through, but now I'm starting to forget. I can't hear your voice anymore. I forgot how you sound. I forgot how you smelled and how you felt. I'm losing you. I don't want to lose you. Why'd you have to die so early? Why'd you have to leave me? I don't understand.